Infidelity is a complex, delicate, and painful topic. Men and women cheat for various reasons and respond to betrayal differently. To delve deeper into this subject, a Tengri Life correspondent spoke with clinical sexologist and sexual education expert Marzhan Zhenisova.
"My husband is cheating on me," my friend said, her voice filled with pain, confusion, and despair. I wasn’t surprised. Not because I was indifferent to her suffering, but because I had long noticed his ease in interacting with other women. Once, I even caught a glimpse of him on the street hugging an unfamiliar woman. But I kept silent. I thought it wasn't my place to interfere, as meddling in someone else’s relationship is always risky.
Yet, each time, the question nagged at me: am I becoming an unwitting accomplice by betraying my friend with my silence? Now, having learned the truth through messages, she is tormented by questions: "What’s next? How do I live with this? Should I forgive or leave?"
Infidelity is not just a word. It’s a blow to trust, relationships, and one’s perception of the world. Why do people betray? Why is it a tragedy and the end of everything for some, while for others it’s nothing serious? What should you do if you become an unwitting witness to someone else's infidelity? Should you tell someone you care about? And most importantly, can relationships survive after betrayal?
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Why do we cheat and what are the differences between male and female infidelity?
"Male and female infidelity truly differs. For men, cheating is often linked to a desire for novelty, adrenaline, and variety in their sex life. Such infidelity frequently occurs without deep emotional attachment; it is more of a physiological aspect than an emotional one," explained Marzhan Zhenisova.
However, according to the expert, the popular stereotype of "male promiscuity" is unfounded. In reality, men are capable of making choices and sticking to them. Yet, paradoxically, men's infidelity often arises from a desire to… preserve their marriage and remain in it.
Women, on the other hand, tend to cheat due to emotional dissatisfaction.
"If a woman feels unloved, uninteresting, lacking warmth, attention, and involvement from her partner, she may seek an emotional connection elsewhere. The absence of security and support from a man also plays a role," the expert said.
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Who is more likely to forgive infidelity?
The expert is confident that men rarely forgive cheating, perceiving it as betrayal that destroys trust—the foundation of any relationship.
"Men almost never forgive betrayal, even from close friends, and here it is his woman—part of his world—who has acted this way. It’s a blow to his self-esteem and pride: infidelity calls into question his significance to the woman. Moreover, men are possessive, which intensifies their disgust and rejection, and vivid images of the act of infidelity in their minds make it unforgivable," the specialist emphasized.
Women, conversely, are more likely to overlook their partners' infidelities.
"This may be due to the understanding that male infidelity is often dictated solely by physiological needs rather than an emotional rift. Comfort, financial dependence, fear for the future of children, pressure from traditions or societal opinions often compel women to maintain relationships. But love should not be forgotten. Many women are willing to forgive if there is an emotional connection in the relationship," the expert explained.
Can a marriage survive after infidelity?
According to the expert, it is possible to preserve a relationship after infidelity.
"This will require effort from both partners. They must not only avoid returning to the past but also openly discuss problems, work on their feelings, and their relationship. The key is not to suppress resentment but to try to understand the reasons for the infidelity and, if possible, restore trust," noted Marzhan Zhenisova.
Who cheats more—men or women?
The sexologist emphasized that men and women cheat at roughly the same rate, but women sometimes manage to hide this fact better.
"Female infidelity is harder to uncover because it is often more calculated, related to feelings and emotions. Men, on the other hand, tend to act impulsively," the sexologist pointed out.
Should you tell about someone else's infidelity?
This question sparks much debate, but Zhenisova is confident: it is not worth interfering in other people's relationships.
"Infidelity is a part of the relationship between just two people. No one from the outside can know all the nuances and agreements of the couple. Therefore, it’s better not to intervene, even if you witness an affair."
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Is it possible to avoid infidelity?
"Undoubtedly, a marriage without infidelity is possible. It all depends on the maturity of the partners. Mature individuals with psychological resilience can communicate openly, discuss their needs, and work on their relationship and union. Such people consciously choose not to cheat, even if desires or temptations arise," Marzhan Zhenisova is sure.